How Do You Respond To The Dreaded Word “NO”?

None of us like to hear no as a response when we make a request. Many times when we make any request, we always expect a positive response.

No can come in many ways. For example, you are applying to a job and the recruiter sends you a rejection email; “Sorry we are moving on with other candidates who are more qualified at this point”.
You pitch your idea or business to the Dragons or Sharks and none of them agreed to close a deal with you.
You plan a public marriage proposal for your favourite girl and she says no in the midst of everyone around. You are a salesperson and get many rejections before you get to sell a product or service. The hardest part is when you are asking for what truly belongs to you and you get rejected.  “No” is a word we dread to hear in situations like these. It’s painful and we probably would have heard this from people of all ages. This reminds me of the part of the movie, “Bruce Almighty” when the Almighty endowed Bruce with his divine powers. Bruce answered “Yes” to all prayers he received just in one-day acting with those powers. The chaos was just massive. That being said, the world would be a much more chaotic or boring place to live in if we always get what we ask for.

Let’s look at ways we can better handle rejections which is basically what “No” means. It still depends on the context.

How Do You Respond To Rejections?

1. Be prepared for any situation

Image by christitzeimaging.com

In 2013, my family applied for US tourist visa. We gathered all our necessary documents to prove that we would return to our country of residence after our visit. On the morning of the interview, we all got to the US consulate office. Completed all pre-interview checks. After a short interview, the lady who interviewed us said, “I’m going to take a split decision”. My husband got his visa, I and my kids were refused the visa. It was very painful. The process and the cost of application were all gone down the drains. When we walked out of the consulate office, I decided to be cool about it. My husband was so angry about the outcome. He said, “I thought you’d be crying”. Why would I cry?  Before I embark on any process or event, I try to lay out all the possible outcomes and plan on how to react. Only two things can happen. Either we get the visa or we don’t get it. If we get it, we go on our vacation, else we stay home and sleep or go somewhere else.

In most cases, you need to prepare your mind to accept the outcome. It’s either a “yes” or a “no”. This way you will be ready to make other plans.

2. Put Yourself In The Other Person’s Shoes (Tricky one)

Let’s say you ask your buddy to lend you a certain amount of money and he says no. You know he has what you are asking for. He might have planned to use the money for something personal. There are many reasons why someone will refuse giving you what they have or own. Would you end the friendship? Put yourself in his shoes. Have you ever said no to someone? Have you ever had a reason not to share or give out what you own? Then, if you can honestly answer this question, you will not feel bad when someone refuses to give what you ask for.

3. Understand How Your Brain Processes Emotions

                                                          Image by Life Science

The way we respond to situations heavily relies on how emotionally intelligent we are. According to Wikipedia, Emotional Intelligence (EI), Emotional leadership (EL), Emotional Quotient (EQ) and Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EIQ), is the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goal(s).

Are you a half-empty glass or half-full person? Do you know exactly how you would react when the unthinkable happen? Have you thought of or practiced how you would can react to different situations? That sounds weird, right? Understanding how you would react in different situations will help you take control of your actions in future.

Have you ever thought about why some people react irrationally when they get rejections? It’s because they are not even sure of their actions. May be they already made up their mind to act weird like punch someone if they are refused a request.

You may want to read this book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Coleman.

4. Be Kind To Yourself and Avoid Taking It Personal

Many times when we get rejections, we slip into this dark place where we start questioning our personality. We let anxiety, anger, and sometimes depression weigh us down when we don’t get what we expect. You may have applied to many jobs, sent in many admission or scholarship or grant applications and none has returned with an acceptance letter. It is very easy to start making a list of reasons why you think you are the cause of all the rejections. Some people might say, “I think it’s my skin color or my race. I’m too fat, too thin, not so tall, can’t speak well”, and so on.

You may be allowing your emotions to play tricks on you by accepting that something is wrong with you. You have to work on your self-esteem so you can still hold your head high when things don’t go your way. It may be that the method you are using to send the applications is not favorable. It could be that you need to brush up your resume or get help with writing your application or improve your communication skills. Your skills should not define you as a person because skills are learned. Since you can learn a skill and improve yourself, you make need to get someone who has successfully done what you are trying to do to coach or mentor you. You may also need to look at other options available like another career path, extra education, getting an expert to look into your application.

5. Consider Other Alternatives

Imagine someone who’s been applying for several jobs in a particular field and haven’t got any offer yet. It is very devastating and emotionally draining to wait for a positive reply from recruiters. While you wait, you could apply for jobs in other areas like sales, customer service, construction, or career areas that are entirely different from your desired career path.

You could get an online course in graphics design or web design and start earning money as a freelancer. Start blogging while you wait. Start an online shop where you resell products while you wait. Learn a skill or use a skill you already have that can put food on your table so you don’t have to let your destiny be determined by another individual.

Okay, you have a job. Have you ever thought of what to do when your present job is no longer there? Either your position is no longer needed or your company simply does not need your services any more? What other plans or strategies have you devised to reduce the anxiety that comes with a job loss? Many people look down on taxi or Uber driving or food delivery by UberEats/DoorDash/Skip The Dishes. You could look into these areas.

Many of us get carried away by our current comfortable positions and caught unawares when the unexpected happens at work. Begin today to plan and start working on your alternatives. It won’t hurt if your alternatives go hand-in-hand with your current status. One may argue that there may not be alternatives in certain situations. Don’t expect too much from anyone or any opportunity. This will save you a lot of stress and anxiety in situations where there are no alternatives.

On a larger scale, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Write down your alternatives, make an in-depth inquiry on how you can take advantage of those options.

6. Take The Next Step Wisely

Your downfall today is not the end of life and a bright future. It took 1001 trials and failures before a light bulb was invented by Thomas Edison. Whenever something doesn’t work, review the steps you took previously. You might discover a reason why your current application or sales strategy doesn’t work. Make necessary changes and keep trying. We have to be open minded in other to give ourselves the chance to explore other opportunities in life.

Many have committed murder because they could not accept the fact that their spouse walked away from them. Many bad decisions are taken because of rejection or someone said no to them. You have to understand that there are two answers to a request. Yes or No. It can come in different forms. Step 5 is a very important way to shield yourself from certain kinds of rejection.

What are other ways you respond to rejection? How do you take “No” for an answer? Share your thoughts, let us all learn from your strategy.